I am in a stillness, shrouded by a deep sadness, wondering how we mend the wounds of our country. How we will care for all of those who have been targeted. Wondering how do we co-exist as people continue to dehumanize other human beings. The thing that has been unspeakable or unimaginable has happened.
I am conscious that when i wake in the morning, I have to tend to the spinning anxiety within my heart and soul. My mind is somehow playing back, remembering the first time, and now this.
I have made a conscious effort to watch the sunrise, I seem to not be able to sleep in like I did last week. I can sense the hyper-alert already kicking in and I can feel the mood swings and the little bit of snarkiness which is seeping out through my pores.
I have glimpses of being stopped cold during my day. The amazing green of the parsley that is still growing in their big pots on my porch. The guy who had his very modern pistol in its holster on his side while going into the grocery store in Presque Isle. The unopened bottles of Dissent Gin and Madam Whiskey making me smile despite myself. The rising of the sun, shining in the lower southern sky reminding me that this is another day, and the sun has risen and so will I.
I have slowly, tentatively reached out. My daughter so pissed off. My granddaughter in the middle of a job applications with the federal agencies, her eyes wide open. My grandson, reaching out from Spain, worried for people, worried for his country, feeling the reverberations in a country that through history now understand about dictators and hate.
For my long time and new lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer friends may we give and receive comfort while trying to quell the fear. My Jewish and Muslim friends I am holding you all closely in my heart. For those who cannot set aside the color of your skin, where you were born, or how you came to live in this country may there be support and care. For everyone who feels at risk, and those who don't but will, for us all I hold the belief that we we will as a country resist the disregard, destruction and disbelief in our governmental institutions - we are not the dark state. I am hoping we will find a way to not be silent.
For my friends who are just emerging from staying in bed, staying out of touch, staying away from, please know that we can put our feet back on the floor. We can sip tea with a new friend while eating a great avocado, cheese, tomato (the last from Mic-Mac Farms) sandwich. We can be.
I have no room for pundits right now. For the Bernie Sanders' who have are certain in their assessment of the abandonment of the middle class. The finger pointing of who showed up, who didn't. The needing to lay blame. This election was far closer than the headlines have shown us. This is our United States of America, and we are a divided nation. Many of us knew no matter how the election ended, there would be big big problems. Here we are.
We will continue to grieve or gloat or be anxious or pray or whatever. We are in a fight for our democracy, for a country that was built, however flawed, on forming a more perfect union, a democratic form of government by, of and for the people...yes and here we are.
My printer quit connecting to WiFi. I cannot find my favorite backpack or my overnight bag (my house doesn't have a lot of space!), almost every Harris-Walz sign that we put up was stolen, and there is more to this list. All reminding me that I am a little off balance, maybe the planetary alignment is also challenging, and that I need to be gentle with myself and others.
On Saturday night I zoomed in for the last concert of Emma's Revolution 2024 Raise Your Voice tour. I have been listening to them singing resistance songs, women's songs, folks songs, community building/supporting music for many many years. One more time, they reminded me of the ability we have to rise up. The sustenance of song, the preciousness of the women's music that I love.
Here are my tips to remember for myself today:
Breathe through your feet. It actually helps by bringing the breathe from feet and through your body, we need to be present, and it is a longer fuller breath that brings more oxygen to your brain as well as your lungs. Try it.
Bring self back to the present. It is so easy to begin to imagine bad things happening. We will do this, and somehow, some way ask yourself if this is useful right now. Trying that breathe thing again might work.
Embrace the joy and happy. When it happens and it will, notice, feel your heart, stretch those face muscles as they break into a smile.
Find a place for the what if's. News, stuff, opinions, reactions are all going to swirl around us. Try not to sink into horrible imagining what is going to happen.
Trust yourself. It's a lot and we do and will find our way, find our support, and find that we are doing what we can do. We will know when we can do more and what that is.
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