MaryAlice Musings and More

I am back home, and feeling a pull as the days get shorter, and light gets less to share again on my blog. I have been in Baltimore for the week, and then out to Rehoboth Beach with my BFF Lonnie. The work time and the play time was deeply nourishing and heartful. At the same time within three days two women who were so very inspiring to me, left this world. Both on their own terms and surrounded by those they most loved. Susan M. Daniels, told me in 1997 as the Assistant Commissioner at SSA that she would get me the SSA data that I needed for my research demonstration, I am still waiting. What she did give me was permission to be passionate about work, to say out loud living on SSI is living in poverty, and poverty can be more disabling than any impairment, she was gut checking honest, and her laughter reflected how much she never lost touch of the amazing wonders of life! The angelic chorus is more complete with her expression now. Barb Burdulis, one of a handful of lesbians ...

Carefree, cautious, cranky. Along with craziness, celebrations and cannonarchy. Cannonarchy is a government by superior firepower or by cannons. I am tired of the superior firepower of the GOP, and equally distraught by the firing of cannons all around throwing blame and attacking each other rather than agreeing that solutions will come in multiple ways, and that the mighty right might not get us where we need to go. Politics is the monkey on your back, in your head, scurrying around in your stomach when you begin to meditate. It is like the buzzing mosquito at nightfall, and the fly that is stuck in bedroom just as you fall asleep. There seems to be no good political news in the U.S.A. I can step out of it, breathe, and find another way for awhile, and then I am back in the angst. calculating change in pay check, when I get my first unemployment check, understanding that I am not the "worst off" and yet knowing my situation is greatly affected by the shut down of sta...

Well, last time I posted it was May and I was lamenting about the number of snow days we were having. Now it is July and I am counting the number of days of shut-down of the state. Good news it is 10 a.m. on a Tuesday and I am sipping tea, listening to the radio and blogging away!!!!! I can almost feel the stress slipping out of my pores. I am breathing more deeply, remembering to feel my breath, and slowing down. Daily lessons of presence and letting go. Enough said. Breathe.

So far, two! Not sure it is done, but I remain hopeful. I have just come in from walking the dogs, in a heavy coat, a felt hat, and cotton gloves. True I am not wearing my winter coat, or my lined gloves, or a wool muffler. But I could. My feet are cold, the sun in absent, and my hot tea tastes great. I just finished the cruelest April I can remember in a long time, don't make May be cruel. It is all in how you view it? I am working on a attitude adjustment, some sunshine, and a rise in the temperature.

Have not had such a rocky spring in a long time. I used to say that spring was my worst season - so desperate for warmth, green, buds. Then I leaned into spring in a different way and quit dissing it. My patience is up, I am tired of reading about how this is a "normal" spring. I want the winds and gray and cold to stop. I want the sun to win. I am going off the theater. Arsenic and old lace, is it warm there?

I am waiting for my picture to get to my email, so I can download the beautifully amazing snow that is on the ground, the trees, and shrubs. It is thick melts in your hand, is sticking on the tops of all the utility wires, it is snow. It is snowing, Oh spring, oh spring what are you thinking? Oh sun, oh sun where is your warmth? I have been at Seder's on Day 1 and Day 2 of Passover. I have listened and shared in the telling of the story. I know that this is holy week, and the latest Easter in a very long time. It could be March, it is that cold, and it is snowing. It is snowing beautiful snow.

Still sorting, tossing, throwing, clearing out of what has accumulated in the depths of winter. I remember the eagerness I had during fall for the going within time. Now I am equally ready to spring forth. I love the way this type of cleaning invites and recognizes the spirit of my house, the beauty of a home. Somehow, clearing spaces, clears me out. It was a long winter, and I am just believing that spring is really and oh so welcome.

Sunday outside hit 70 for first time this year! Muggy, windy, sun shining on and off, it felt like a great spring day. Then in the middle of the afternoon a step back into winter and the Super Rink at the National Sports Center in Blaine. This is the first time that I watched Myah play with her new AAA team. They play lots longer 25 minute half's for the game. Then they do bonus play, each team plays 5 minutes shorthanded and then there is a shoot out time. Amazing the skill, talent, determination and speed of these girls. Sasha is on the Minnesota Score, and she is up at 6 a.m. and off to edge training, she loves it. Of course Gramma worries at times about how much should kids be doing, but this seems like a win win for Myah. Her teams plays hard on the ice, and then they have great fun off the ice. The transformation from player to kid is instantaneous. Luke and I sat in the stands, him playing his video game and me clapping and cheering. I kept calling them girls and...

After a long cleaning drought, I am back at it! Pandora Radio Station set to Laura Nyro, as I mop, toss, and scrub I am swept back through the decades and every once in awhile a new artist that I don't yet know. Yeah for internet radio. The clouds are grey and Norah Jones singing sweetly. Clean smells, happy dogs. A sweet, present Saturday, and by the end of the weekend a good dose of spring cleaning and lyrics beating in my heart and soul.

There is so little to say. The Federal Government is not going to shut down tonight! Family Planning Title X funds are not the going to be the wedge. Who knows what will be cut. Pathetic. Who knows what is next. We are going to have a federal budget for the current year, one-half done maybe this week. Then we are onto the big fireworks. Oh my, oh my!

Oh moon, in the sliver of your amazing light I find solace. What a job you have, orbiting around our earth. What is it we are doing here? Do you find solace in the meditation and breath of those that gaze at you lovingly? I am so glad for your moonbeams. I have been gazing at them for as long as I can remember, captivated and dreaming from their spell. Thank you for shining so brightly. I appreciate your quiet ceaseless glow, touching my heart so simply.

Blessings of gratitude for the sunrises. While my heart was aching this morning, trying to take in the the federal budget mess, the division in Congress, the passing the MN Health and Human Services bill out of the Ways and Means committee yesterday, after knowing how much of the bill has is smoke and mirrors, the march of the Tea Party, the whimper of the progressives....well there before my eyes was this amazing break of light and color. Beauty before my eyes. It reminded me of my thanks for all the people who are praying, fasting, believing that we can manifest a country a world that is more loving, more kind, more compassionate, more smart, and less greedy, less mean, less power hungry and ego driven. I am sending thanks and deep care for all of my friends in WI how have worked so tirelessly in the Supreme Court Election and there is no official winner yet, a recount seems certain. I know about living with a recount! Another reminder of how closely divided we are at the electi...

Last week my Grandmother visited me. She doesn't come often, I have wished for her to come to me in my dreams, or to get another hand made card in the mail. As I slept in a bed away from home, she most have decided that she liked the digs, cause she came in her full unconditionally loving way. I sat in bed being enfolded in her arms. As we talked she stroked my hair, and I could feel every part of me held sweetly. She was happy, content and so was I. Timeless. When I was sharing my dream with a friend, she said, "she is your mother god". Wow could I think of my grandmother who loved me so well, who was so important in my life, as a god? "But she was flawed", I said. Look around you my loving friend said, "you think god is without flaws?" What a gift my little visit with my grandmother, it was so very real and tender and revitalizing. Of course she was my mother god, a divine presence, the one who loved my dreams and encouraged me to have more...

I could hear the rain when I woke in the night, and this morning as I walked past the window the wetness was everywhere. Light rain fell and every once in awhile there was sleet like threads and then full flakes of snow. It thought I heard the rain say, "it's my turn, my turn now" as I watched the entire sky turn to snow. It is gray, there are still a few piles of hardened, dirty snow in the backyard. The dogs watch intently sensing the changing of the season. From some past moment I remember walking through puddles and being happy to carry my umbrella and singing, chanting, believing that April showers bring May flowers.

Oh so long, the silence. Feelings looping endlessly. Deep movement in the darkness of winter. Deep snow, again and again. The journey in, the pushing outward. Cherry blossoms bloom without regard to politics or people. Daisy and Lola celebrate the smells and the animals bolting across the yard. Sun high in the sky, warmth doubted barges in regardless. Hope, light, tender shoots barely visable. From the silence spring bursts eternal.