MaryAlice Musings and More

I am going to start back to work part time next week.  See how it goes.  I am very aware that I am still healing in so many ways, and my energy is still erratic - so I am so appreciative and have such gratitude that I am able to take the time I need to recover and recuperate.  I have been thinking a lot about the women who have to go back to work way before they are ready, and they come home exhausted and have to do all the things necessary for their households.  That I have insurance and sick leave --- it is quite an indictment of our country that I have feel "lucky" to have these fundamental supports.   In the midst of the political stirrings and realities there is something deeper more attached to my heart that is present as I heal.  I have so appreciated my backyard patio, and while sitting in the sun, I noticed my neighborhood cardinal in a bush along the lot line.  He is so brilliant red, and the leaves are so very green. It took a moment for me to recognize what I was ...

I am sure glad that I am in such good shape.  The twists and turns of the political races could lead to whiplash - which is bad for my throat and nose!   It sure seems like when the winds blow Obama's way - there is no end to what those folks in power will do.  I want to hear the debates, I think that this is the way that we can step back from the orchestrated, bought, manipulated and controlled commercials, ads, and more.  Why wouldn't the presidential candidates want to be presidential and stand up in front of the nation and let us know their truth.   Thankfully, Obama not only says that there should be the debate, he acknowledges that who could be most effective are their economic staff.  I don't think anyone had invited John McCain to stop the "no talk" bus and rush back to Washington, where for the first time in 22 years John would have to listen and learn about regulatory power.   Then there is the subtext that people keep poking their finger in and not real...

My world is broadening,  my tasks and focus have moved beyond those essential to recuperation and recovery.  My pain is gone, there is a tightness, and odd feelings in my throat, but mostly the pain is gone.  If it comes I take tylenol.  I can eat without pain.  And of course it is all so new or I would not keep going on and on about the difference.   So I am turning to a few other things, getting people in to do some needed work on my house, going through piles of mail that has been unattended, and a few dips back into my work.   I still feel mostly like a rag doll,  I am trying to walk more, to build my energy back up, I am aware how fortunate I am to be able to take the time to let my body on its own time regenerate and grow ready to step back into the challenges, stresses, successes, and pride in the work that I do.  Just being with lots of people everyday creates and takes energy - so I sleep well at night, and need to just be quiet and rest on and off -- its a balance.  Just like...

I have loved the weather this week, and glad that each day the sun just shone.  It helped me to heal, to be quiet, to enjoy and soak up the best of each day.  I am being able to eat-wow.  I marvel at how wonderfully my body is healing itself.  Yeah rah.

I woke up early this morning.  I felt refreshed.  I have for months been thinking and at times talking about what would it feel like waking up and feeling "refreshed".  This morning it was waking and feeling awake, clear, noticing finely.  It was still dark, and it was quiet and so clear as I looked out east into my backyard.  The noises were all small and in the background.  Everything was taking a deep deep morning breath.    I spent some time just doing that noticing my breathing --- I think I have mentioned that I have not used my albuterol since the surgery - amazing I am taking my long acting flovent every other day or so just to make sure no asthma wheezing!  I knew instinctively that my oxygen levels dropping so low every night was just not good....and this is a very real way that I can tell that much is better by having this surgery.   The best, raspberries for breakfast, and I could eat them.  It was not totally painful or burning.  And they were great.  Enjoy the d...

It takes a lot of energy to heal.  Today my energy was low, and I spent much time on my patio in my comfortable chair in the sun.  This afternoon I went to rest at a friends for awhile as they were sawing a jumbo tree next door - it has had its orange circle on it for weeks, and parks & rec came today and started the process, it was interesting to watch for a little while --- but it is another LOUD activity - they are coming back on Monday!  I am perched for the evening, the sweater I am knitting, has a back, right side, 1/2 left side!  Soon onto sleeves and a wonderful feeling and beautiful color sweater.   I have had to go into protect mode about the election --- I just saw an ad that McCain will air that plays so blatently in race and fear and of course it is all Obama's fault and I just can't imagine how horrible this will be lies, fear, bigotry, playing to the most lowly part of our humanness ---- and then here I am at home healing, and it is like watching a bad fictio...

Today I woke up to a noise that has been absent for over a year - the cars travelling on 35W going south ---going north, it is constant and in the background, and its absence was deafening after the bridge crashed down last August.  I rode on it later in the day when I had to go to an appointment.  It seemed appropriate as I am very aware of all the layers of healing that happen when one has surgery, and what this bridge signifies in what it has "cured" and what yet has to heal.   Tomorrow is two weeks, and I am glad to be so clear that this surgery is successful and that I was able to say yes to the plan that my Doctors felt would be best for me.  I have been in the middle of noticing all that comes up as a result of this surgery and my desire to be more well.  And with Elizabeth today I was reminded of a Mary Oliver poem, and I would like to share it with you. The Journey One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, Thought the voices around you kept shouting the...