All of the boxes that were in the downstairs have been emptied or at least looked through! There are bins that need to go to the basement. There are a few boxes that cannot be unpacked until the built in's are varnished and dry.
There is some clean up that needs to happen to clear out the downstairs "middle room" also known as the dining room but I can see that the end is near. Next week I can shift my box unpacking, sorting and decision making to the upstairs. Box by box.
There is much time for thinking/processing while I wrapping and sorting and deciding. I took long long breaks for boxes and bins today.
I watched Myah's Hockey game on You Tube they swept Central Michigan in their last home stand of the season. Myah played well, and it was fun to watch - next best thing to being there.
I hooked up my internet streaming on my television and watched a few episodes of the new season of Grace and Frankie.
I made some lentil, farrow, split pea soup. The first pot of soup in my new kitchen!
With each chore, each task I kept rolling issues of racism through my mind. The black-face, KKK robed photo from the Virginia Governor's Medical School Year Book has left me pained and angered and bereft.
I have for a long time felt that our lack of exposing ourselves to the wrongful and horrific history of slavery and injustice for people of color in our country needs to be remedied. The legacy of racism and white supremacy are a real part of this country and I believe that we are at a time and place that we cannot continue to be silent.
As I listened to the Virginia Governor yesterday I found myself reeling from his declarations. His idea that he needs to listen seems at best another path for lack responsibility - yes we need to listen but we need as white people to actively seek out our own learning and understanding - you only need to "google" : -best books for white people to read to understand racism- to begin to find vehicles to understand cultural and structual racism, personal biases and how our lens of "whiteness" is not the only lens to the world and the effects of assuming that it is.
Taking Action for Black Lives Matter (Paperback)
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Chris Crass calls on all of us to join our values to the power of love and act with courage for a world where Black lives truly matter. A world where the death culture of white supremacy no longer devours the lives of Black people and no longer deforms the hearts and souls of white people. In addition to his own soul-searching essays and practical organizing advice in his "notes to activists," Chris Crass lifts up the voices of longtime white anti-racist leaders organizing in white communities for Black Lives Matter. Crass has collected lessons and vibrant examples of this work from rural working class communities in Kentucky and Maine, mass direct action in Wisconsin and New York, faith-based efforts among Jewish communities, Unitarian Universalists, and the United Church of Christ, and national efforts like Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) and Jewish Voice for Peace.
I listened as the Virginia Governor talked about what he remembered and what he did not. What I remember is the very first time that I was confronted with how harmful unintended racism can be. I don't remember how old I was, but I think I might have been going into third grade. I was in a circle and we were going to select teams, someone started the child rhyme eenie meenie minnie mo.... we were saying it out loud and there was one "colored girl" in our group. When in the rhyme we got to the N word, I remember stopping - I was seared with shame -- I had no words -- I didn't know the words -- but somehow someway I knew that that work N- - - - -, was not right. I saw that look on her face... and given my own history of abuse I was just enveloped in shame and feeling responsible for something bad.
That moment did not leave me for a long time. But unlike the Governor of Virginia I knew that over time that sitting with this shame was not enough and not ok. I did have to actively look at my own biases and judgements and how they were or were not influenced by institutional racism.
I began to understand that the "rope" that I had as a white person was so much longer and so less likely to destroy me due to my ignorance of racism compared to what would happen to that same kind of disregard for a person of color.
I remember in high school how much i liked Lamar and somehow how dangerous that was. For him far more than for me. I have a dear dear son in spirit (son - in - law) who is Native and a tribal member, and my grandchildren are tribal members who work to be able to fully honor their white mother and their bi-racial white/native father and their own ancestry.
I have learned to speak up, to understand that at time silence is not golden. I have a lot learning to do. I ache because we have a president who incites hates and minimizes structural and cultural racism in our country.
I cheer and feel encouraged as I listen to people of color to "black" people in our country to stand up and say this is not ok. To hear a people say we will not tolerate this type of racism anymore.
As a white woman I have to stand in this fight, to know that much of this is not personal it is the fabric of our society and I have to do my part to both acknowledge and to unravel the sad sick effects of hanging onto to a past that was predicated on not being equal. We are all equal.
I hope the Governor of Virginia resigns. I hope that we can continue to step aside in an effort to make room for a more just and equal society.
I still remember being this kid and somehow learning this very racist child's song. What it felt like when the reality of the racist words stung my mind and heart. More importantly I remember what the face looked like when the sting and omnipresence of racism took away an afternoon of kids of playing together.
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