Finding Tranquility While Bouncing from Thomas to Kavanuagh

I have spent the morning keeping busy,  trying to locate things that I couldn't find at first, and remembering.  In 1991, my dearest friend Perry Tilleraas was at home would the next day die from AIDS.  The "Perry Helpers" had been doing round the clock help, assistance and vigil for many days, I am not sure what day it was that I was in the kitchen and Perry was sleeping he had not been out of his bed for awhile and we all knew including Perry that he was very close to passing over.  He had been talking out loud to people on the other side,  had scolded folks for praising the lord over his bedside and was being his most profound self to the very end.   In the kitchen was a little cabinet style television, and I was sitting at the small table watching the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearing.  Anita Hill was testifying, and I found myself crying in that kitchen.  Crying for Perry's imminent death and my feelings of loss, crying for Anita Hill,  crying for every woman who had suffered sexual abuse and sexual harassment (including myself).  I was crying because I knew that this man was going to become a supreme court justice, and he was so flawed and wrong to serve. 

This morning I just kept busy,  I did not turn on the television but I have looked at my phone and seen NY Times alerts and gone on Facebook.  I have seen pictures of heroic women protesting.  I have called Susan Collin's office.  I have not cried but I could, so instead I just jumped up to heat up some lunch.  The past and the present are colliding in my heart and I am outraged and terrified that the Republican Senate Leadership, ball-less as they are,  have signed on lock stock and barrel to Donald Trump and his destruction of our democracy.   What will our grandchildren say about this time?  How will the environment, the earth be damaged by this administrations willful destruction of policies that protect our air, our water, the earth?  What about young women who thought they had a right over their bodies, what will they say about this time, this congress, this president, this supreme court judge. 

All weekend I kept thinking about the catholic pope calling for silence and prayer in the midst of hundreds of sexual abuse allegations.   Wondering what Kavanaugh is keeping silent about and why the republicans won't let there be any time to review documents just released, or why there are hundreds of documents that the executive branch is withholding can't be seen. 

This is a time of "slam dunks" --- vicious actions by people who suck up power as their life breath.  I wonder what Ruth Bader Ginsberg is doing this morning.  She is a woman of discipline, probably following her routines, studying, preparing, readying herself for the fall term of the Supreme Court.

It has been good to remember Perry, remember that day, Anita Hill is seared into my consciousness -- Clarence Thomas seemed like a small man that day and a smaller man today regardless of his place on the court.  Anita Hill made a place for us to acknowledge workplace sexual harassment, she opened the door for "Me Too".  Who knows what doors will open today. 

I posted a picture of Lynx Pond, it is small, it is quiet, the waterlily plants beautiful.  I noticed and I am holding that image today as I type.  Who knows what these still waters will produce.  For today it helped to make this blog!