Me too!

This is a hard blog to start.  Earlier in the month I blogged about Anita Hill today we hear about Christine Ford.  I often wonder what would happen if for one day, one week every girl child every woman who has been sexually harassed, sexually abused, raped, or threatened stood together to tell their truth.  To share their story.

I want to do a small part in standing up.  I am not going to share the torrid details.  I just need to acknowledge me too!  

I was a child who was sexually abused.  My trusted next door neighbor when I was five years old was the first.  Before that my father had physically abused both myself and my brother - I don't know all that happened it started when I was just a baby.   What I do know is that it set me up to not understand what to do when people you trusted did bad things.  You can be strong and you can still not believe that you can or should speak up.  Especially when you don't know what anyone will do if you do.

I was 10 and at my great grandmother's funeral when an old uncle was the next one to sexual abuse me.  I was silent, shamed, stunned and totally scared and confused.

As a teenager a police detective who offered to drive me home from my evening shift at the restaurant was the next one to assert their power and control.

There were more times when men would not listen to no - and still there are circumstances - last year at a gathering on the coast the owner of the big house we rented leaning in and trying to "get a feel"  - of course I am very skilled as many many women of getting out from under this "playful" behavior -- no this repugnant, entitled, sick behavior of men thinking that any woman is there for their taking. 

It was years before I told anyone.  It was not until as an adult I went to college, went to therapy, began to understand.  Still so many ways in which "boys will be boys" - "she asked for it" - "it would never happen to me, I would have stopped him" - "she must have enjoyed it" - "how could you not say anything"..... silence women who have been abused.

So our nation will go through another time where a woman tells her story and the man "the accused" says oh I did not do that.  Will another Supreme Court Judge join Clarence Thomas holding justice for women for all people in their hands.  It is not only about these two men,  it is about the process, one more time that the price paid for telling your story is as abusive as the attempted rape itself.

Men and women alike line up to protect men.  We don't want to believe that this could happen to our-self.  We don't want to remember when it did.  We don't want to acknowledge how pushing yourself on a girl was your passage to manhood.  NOT for ALL men, but this story is one not only of power but of privilege.  Who is privileged how can you feel it, what do you need to do? What does power and powerlessness feel like?

My heart aches for you Christine Ford.  My spirit soars with your courage.  I know what it feels like to share your story with a therapist, with the one you love.  There are women standing arm and arm sending you strength and care.  I hope that there will be men who speak up, who say the although our president lauds his locker room behavior they will not.  Hopefully the women on the Senate committee will say enough, this must be taken seriously, it is not a political ploy, it is serious and real and we must pay attention.

It is Sunday night.  I am well.  I am remembering Anita Hill.  I am remembering what Christine Ford has said about Brett Kavanaugh as a high school boy.  I hope that this time of Me Too responds loudly, clearly, and carves a much safer path for our girls and for boys.  One that rejects the back room antics that men have exhibited for time and eternity.

Never again....never again.....