MaryAlice Musings and More

What a difference a dog can make to your heart. Radar (he was rescued and fostered at the MN Small Dog Rescue) found his way into my home, into Terry's home this Thursday. I was very skeptical, not sure with travel schedules, workload, grandkids, life that there was room for a dog. So Thursday the foster mom came to Minneapolis with Radar. When I opened the door at Terry's it took about 10 minutes for my heart to melt. Radar is from Missouri, probably was in a puppy mill. About 4 months ago, Radar was put into a horse trailer along with 49 other dogs. They brought all fifty dogs to Minnesota. Unfortunately, many of dogs were unable to be rescued, but somehow, someone figured out that this guy, Radar, was able to be saved! He wasbrought to the MN Small Dog Rescue. He had mange, and many other complications he was in quarantine for 2 months. He has had very good care, and he is in fine shape. He was fostered in Rochester for the last 3-4 weeks, and now he is home in NE...

Seven years ago, Minnesota lost one of it's Senators and his wife. We also lost a father, a grandfather, a friend, a teacher, a community activist, a believer and a visionary. It seems so much shorter and so much longer since this lost. Camp Wellstone continues to support young people, old people, people who had to learn that it is THEIR right to run for office, to advocate for change to be the change to believe. Graduates are everywhere, I don't know how many states have Camp Wellstone grads, but it is alot. Here in MN there are still Wellstone bumper stickers on cars, and the newer "What would Paul do?" stickers as well. We have schools, community centers and initiatives named after Paul and Sheila. Seven years, it is a long time to be with the loss of your Dad, your Mom, and also your sister. My heart opens and sends forth light and love to the Wellstone sons, and the entire family. I am feeling deep appreciation for the beliefs that Paul and his family he...

Sun shining, and I am humming, listening to Jennifer Berezan singing "she carries me", and I am off to a s oundshiftng workshop.  Toning, intentional speech, healing.  Taking time as the days are shorter and we more easily go within.  Ya Fatah - opening the way - a greeting of welcome.  May we all experience a deep loving breath today!

Even I, who hasn't watched a baseball or football game in a long time have been unable to not get caught up in the border battles, the "last game at the dome", and the hype about the new (well old!) quarterback for the Vikings.  I watched the Packer-Viking football game last night - amazing the things that some Lutherans from MN will wear when they go to a football game.  And they make fun of the cheese heads - I'd say those blocks of cheese on top of the head look pretty mild!  Then today I was going from one meeting to another and had to travel through downtown, it was 2:30 so I thought I was safe, the Twins (that would be baseball in the dome) were playing a game to determine who would go into the playoffs.  It started at 2-but NO, there were throngs of people all with a completely different, but none less outrageous costumes todays Lutherans were wearing!  So here I am watching a baseball game, I haven't watched one in years, and it is the top of 8th, a tie ga...

My grand daughter has been taking horse riding (Dressage) lessons for a little more than three months.  She came to see me at work during the first part of August and she was dressed in her boots, and pants and had her helmet (pink), and she looked like she could walk into any arena!  I have been trying to go to the stables every other week or so to see her.  Diana her teacher doesn't mind at all when Gramma comes, and I have been fascinated at each and every lesson.  Myah, does all the preparation for the horse, she rides Satin and Nick and has taken one ride on Libby.  They all are or have been show horses, they are beautiful and big and Myah looks even tinier than she is as she leans over and brushes the horse, and prepares him or her for their time in the arena.   Her teacher is inspiring, just the right mixture of push, reaching for exactness, for perfection, and rewarding both rider and horse throughout the lesson. Yesterday, when I walked into the arena - Myah had started he...

I walked the Labyrinth with the Red Tent women for the equinox.  They offered this blessing for all of us, for the season, and I am offering it to you.  As you read imagine a lit candle on your left and a lit candle on your right.  This prayer is for every day not just on the autumnal equinox, rather for us as we move into the darkness, travel within, find the gifts within the dark, and we move from equinox to solstice! A Fall Equinox Blessing A balance of night and day, a balance of light and dark Tonight I seek balance in my life as it is found in the Universe. One candle for darkness and pain and things I can eliminate from my life. Another candle for the light, and for joy and all the abundance I wish to bring forth. At tis time of the equinox, there is harmony and balance in the Universe, and so there shall be in my life.

I am sitting in a little "nest" on the top floor of a wonderful home in Hovland, MN.  The waves are crashing on the rocks, the sun has created brilliant sparkles dancing across the water.   Sunrise was bigger than life, and the sun just popped up without a cloud.  There are no "salties" or barges that I can see yet, but some are due in harbor at Duluth so they will be coming past sometime today.  It is so soothing the sounds of the water, the breeze, and how remarkable that it is so warm.   This is the last of my "mini-vacations" for end of summer!  People at work, just think this is what I am going to keep doing, and I might.  Everywhere has been to where there are few people, no bustle, and great natural beauty.  It has soothed my soul, and I can feel the pull.   Feel the way in which my heart and my spirit are dancing with each other, helping me to find myself entwined in it all.

I am watching the moon rise above the horizon,  feeling the tugs of a day full of wide emotional tugs, and wondering how can I be more fired up, ready to go.  What can I do to help move health care reform along?  I'm going to watch the moon for right now.  I am going to imagine that we as a country can do this, and it can be right enough for now.  I am going to find that place within me that stills pumps out hope, and just stay there for a moment.

At acupuncture today we were able to do a treatment that opens one up to the fullness of the spirit - "windows to the sky".  Five Element Acupuncture is so rooted in nature and allows one to go to such a basic constitutional level - it is just the right support that I want and yearn for in my life right now.  Rachael (my acupuncturist) said before she did the points, that it would feel like an expansive opening up  - and yes it is!  How great to have some deep moments of feeling such balance within self.  Then on the way home I was listening to jazz 88.5 fm --- and there was Ben Sidran talking to the host of Jazz and the Spirit - about his cd - life's a lesson --- liturgical jewish music!  Many of the vocal tracks were recorded in Minneapolis and I was there listening and loving the singing of my friends Lynette and Ben.  The cd (Life's a Lesson - bensidran.com ) has been balm for many times of travail in my life, and a lesson on how music can be such a prayer.  It fe...

It was one year ago today that I was brought home from the hospital after my nose and throat surgery for sleep apnea.  I started this blog as a way to share about my recovery and more importantly to reflect within myself and to share those reflections. So here it is one year,  my sleep apnea is gone, totally!  I have lost 25+ pounds, and overall I feel great!  I have started 5 Element Acupuncture and I feel the results of restfulness of sleeping well, of being refreshed!   This blog (although I have been more neglectful this summer) has been a good way for me to engage with my environment, with my internal landscape, and to share with no expectations that someone will return something to me. I have just returned from my friend Fina's Wisconsin farm,  I saw her last year just before my surgery, and returned again to bask in the beauty and to participate in the bounty of late summer!   So I have returned home one year from returning home from the hospital, in great pain and at the ve...

I am here to report that  59 years + one week is pretty darn good.  I was so deeply moved by how beautiful my time was in Idaho.  I stayed at this 75+ year old Lodge in Clearwater National Forest, everywhere you looked it was breath taking.  I walked the Lewis and Clark trail, and rode a really big horse "buck" as in buckskin.  I met some fine people from around the country and Canada, and feel big rejuvenation.  The trip was easy and I had time to be in such a different environment.  A big reminder about changing your perspective, now I am planning my next much longer time to get some perspective change early next year!!   Coming home I had no plans, and on a lark decided to get tickets to the BonTaj Roulet concert, at opening day of the State Fair.  That would be Taj Mahal and Bonnie Raitt, both singers who have been in my life since very early adulthood.  The fair was great, weather fine, food outrageous, and Bonnie Raitt (who is playing at the fair since the first time he...

Off for a few days of a working vacation in Idaho.  I don't think I have ever been in Idaho and it has been decades since I have been to Montana.  I have my jeans, boots and sweater packed.  Treats are in the day bag, and I am looking forward to the freshness and wilderness and wildness of this part of the world.  I am staying near Powell Station in the Clearwater National Forest, near the Lolo Trail, and ancient native american passage.  I am going to be with about 25 folks from around the country who work on employment issues for people with disabilities.  I am ready to experience what "Best in the West" will manifest.  Here's to relaxation, being present in such beauty, and deep listening and engaging. 

I slept soundly - such a different story than the day of my last birthday.  I woke up so very rested, and off I went to start the day with a dear friend - and we went to my favorite Minneapolis French inspired restaurant Cafe Barbette!  It was cool and rainy and we ate inside, where there are great paintings, a classic style bar, and great smells.  We read Rumi, and Hafiz and drew from a pouch sufi cards, and talked about our hearts and our connection.  What a great start to my day, that included painted toe and finger nails, a touch up from my hair cutter, and then off to my favorite St. Paul French Bistro.....I am now baking myself and more friends a peach/pecan upside down cake.  I am touring the garden and then one more wonderful evening of celebration with friends!  The sun is shining and I am enjoying my first day of this year of the "9's".

I officially have entered the "9's".  My birthday day was a blast!  For weeks I have been anticipating my trip to bordeaux, france.  It was magnificient.  Amusement-corn souffle, and it tasted like corn from heaven, served at exactly the time of perfection for picking in minnesota.   This was the start of my Tour de France, hosted by meritage restaurant in downtown st. paul,  The chef and wait staff treated us so well, the evening was truly a gift.  being with family and surrounded by great food, wine, and much loving was truly a celebration.  And we all felt as if we were celebrating in france!   I hope you can savor and imagine my evening in Bordeaux (of course we toasted to Julia and Meryl) and to ME! first course Warm Oysters Belgian Endive and Sautern Sabayon second course Petite Beef Filet en Bordelaise bone marrow, potato gratin, mushrooms & summer vegetables third course Red Wine Poached Pear Vanilla Ice Cream & Crème Chantilly After our time in Bordeaux, ...

Tomorrow as the moon is new I enter the year of the 9's.  The last year of a decade.  Today I am remembering and honoring this past year.  This year is and has most definitely been one of my best.  In the ways of external stability I have a very good job, once that has mission and focus and meaning to me, and I get ample compensation.   My house received some good maintenance this year, and it continues to feel more and more like my home (home ownership has not come easy for me!).   Professionally,  I am feeling this great balance:  excited about learning and clear about my own experience and knowledge.  I have been doing my work for a long time know and I feel valued and respected, and am having lots of fun working with new people and particularly new generations of policy planners!  My health is great! Praise Be.  The decision to have my surgery for sleep apnea was brave and bold and was right for me.  No more sleep apnea!  The rest of me is so much better and I am 25 lbs thinner...

With no apparent reason I woke up very early this a.m. and got out of bed, went to the sliding doors that look out towards the east, and there in the sky venus and a sliver of moon.  It was so quiet, just getting light.  The moon was just vibrating, moonlight radiating forth.  I kept looking and had a big thank you in my heart.  I don't have many conversations during the day about these amazing divine moments.  But that is what it felt like this morning.  I was given a big bolt of divinity, feeling like I am a part of it all, not separate.  Tonight, I can't see the moon.  There is a drone of bugs, and cars and planes - and I am listening to the TV folks talking about health care and abandoning the public option in this round of health care reform....where is our courage,  where are the divine moments, how many people must continue to make bad or worse decisons about taking care of our health.  When can we focus on health and not the profits of the industry, the United Health Ca...

This morning is cool, it has rained off and on yesterday during afternoon, evening and then through the night.  It is quiet, almost can forget for a moment that I am in my city house.  I am enjoying the quiet, the slow down of the pace,  and appreciating how it smells now that there has been done of those fabulous soakings.  I can see my tomato plant (it is in a pot) from my window.  I picked the first tomato from it this week, there are more ripening.  I have taken lots of ribbing about this plant, it is scrawny, I have forgotten to water it countless times, and yet it has survived, maybe not thrived, and the fruit is tasty and nature has done a good job of giving it a long, full drink. I am going to have my own long, full drink this week.  Planning a series of time off and time away from my office.  We have been busy, very busy!  Lots of good work, and lots of effort to keep things not only moving, but moving toward our goals.  I am taking some days off at home.  On my list of possib...

Last week I was feeling the "speed of light" feeling about the summer days, this week although busy and lots of things to do, I am experiencing the expansiveness of each day.  The weather has been quite lovely, somewhat cooler than normal, but the hot sun still feels warm on my cheeks.  I have been eating out of doors many days,  and enjoying a cup of coffee and paper in the morning sun.  It is the last days of July and my body has settled into the rhythms of the light, the position of the sun, the buzzing of the bees, and the birds singing wildly.  I have taken several Fridays off of work and enjoy the stretch of the weekend,  summer trips are planned, and a longer time off in September.  What luxury, how lucky I am to be able to have these kinds of choices.  I spend my workdays focused on how people can be a part of our workforce, can have health insurance, coordinated self directed care - people make jokes about pushing people into work.  I have noticed over a number of ye...

I am in my 11th month of blogging.  It all started as a way for me to share my experiences as I prepared for and recovered from throat and nose surgery for my sleep apnea.  I wanted to connect and to find a way to share my process of recovery.  This desire to somehow create a way for someone else to read my words, and with the reality that I have hardly any idea of the ways this reading on a "website" would touch something in you or if it would at all.   It has been risky feeling at times to share, some people have asked if I am worried about doing a blog, does it feel safe?  Blogging for me has felt like a way to pause, a reflection, less of a time to tell a full story, more of way to share a question to explore a discovery, to acknowledge an appreciation.   I was worried that I had lost my urge my desire to tap away at this keyboard-blogging away, but the urge returns.  My awareness of cycles, my ability to disclose even within myself opens and closes. Summer days continue ...

I am struck by how few moments there are where I  experience that hardly moving moment, that evokes the lazy, hazy days of summer.  I feel a catch in my throat and an opening in my heart as I experience glimpses of the endless summer.   These moments seem fleeting, but when I catch one oh my-how precious.  I find myself this summer wondering to within and out loud to others, what has happened to the slowing down of inside work,  of the recognition in the workplace that vacations are happening, work loads adjusted, that there is this time for rejuvenation, for appreciating and adjusting to the light, to the heat, to the season of growing.   For me my more internal moments of sharing have felt less accessible, I have these pull and urge to just be in the moment, to enjoy summer.  There has been lots of outside activities, enjoying music, my patio, outdoor eating and drinking, laughing, and connecting.   Blogging seemed out of touch, what of my experience do I want to touch with yours?  A...

This weekend was the Twin Cities Gay Pride Celebration - people around here say it is the second largest in the nation.  For me it is always a remembrance of how much has occurred since Stonewall, and the Daughters of Bilitis, and the Mattachine Society.  Our world as gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, queer is much different than in the early days of organizing for our civil rights.  Having come out in 1975, and moved to Madison, WI (it had the largest density zipcode of lesbians in the United States) where I was in thick of lesbian rights,  equal opportunity,   EEOC,  Affirmative Action, Women's Studies, Lysistrata, and an amazing number of lesbian.  I lived in the arms of lesbian and women's culture.  It was the extension of my wildly left political work in the late 60's and a way back to the political as personal when I realized that I was a lesbian, and saw that as a choice, and as a significant part of who I was.   So as I walked through the rows of vendors, (gay sh...

Oh,  I do love summer.  As the humidity and temperatures rise, I found myself all week, just smiling.  Heat, summer heat, sun, and afternoon rain, it is all good.  Especially good in June.  I like the feel of freshly washed sheets, the sound of the breeze rustling, as I steal a few moments of the afternoon.  Summer reads and quick naps.  Oh it is so good, it is these days that tug me back and forth from the here and now, to days long ago - carefree and smiling and feeling as if summer lasts forever and that one day takes so long to be done.  It is great to have days that tap deep appreciation, just being in the moment.  The sun so bright in the late afternoon.  I ordered a basket for Electra Karma today.  Big enough for a book, some water, a few supplies as I pedal my way through more endless days of summer. 

I have been gifted a new bike.  It is purple,  it has white wall tires,  to put the brakes on you push the pedal backward.  Who remembers when that was the ONLY way a bike stopped?  She has a really big seat.  Three gears, and oh so pretty.   She came with the name Karma, and she has Elektra written all over her.   I am thinking she is Electra Karma,  a descendent of the Greek Goddess of Clouds with Silver Linings.   This bike was bought when hopes and dreams of time in Minneapolis seemed very real, and life took another turn.  So Karma the bike was sitting in storage.  So now I get to find out what journeys will happen for me as summer begins, and I am am learning how to be a better bike rider and toodling around on my purple bike, pink helmet and a way big smile on my face!

The MN War  on Unallotment has begun!  Yesterday the Gov, that would be Pawlenty who is voluntarily leaving his job at the end of 2010 (he is not running for a third term) announced his proposed cuts in order to balance the state budget.  All on his own strong back!  The MN War  article (just hit the link!) goes to an article in the MinnPost (online newspaper mostly anchored by former MSP Journalist from the two dailies here - it is great!)   Turning the volume down on this is going to be impossible, and it might be one of the better community organizing tools to come around in a long time!   No one has ever unalloted at this level before.  At the press conference that Pawlenty held to announce that he would not run for a third term - he said the legislative session ended just fine.  So here we are - only one very good senator, the MN Supreme Court is deliberating and writing their opinion, the RNC says that they will take Norm Coleman's case to the U.S. Supreme Court if this rulin...

My side lawn has many holes, lumps, bumps and uneveness.  It makes for an exciting venue for bocce ball.  Yesterday, after much procrastination I purchased a wonderful bocce ball set.  I walked home from the store with my 35 lbs. of balls (I am feeling the lack of discretion for that effort tonight).  What fun tossing, rolling, competing.  Grandson Luke and Son in Spirit James were great competitors.  I surprised them, just when they thought Gramma was a non-competitor, I would just slide in my ball.  It's not like lawn bowling on the roof of Brits in downtown Minneapolis, but I think it is going to be lots of fun.  Going to round up some neighbors next, and see who I can recruit for a little fun and games.  Oh the joys of warm weather continue.  The fleeting days of summer are savored by us all.

It has been difficult this past week,  the "I don't like hot weather people" were really happy, and me I yearned for the feel of heat on my face and arms, to not be cold, and to feel the full, bright, high in the sky sun.  I have done a lot of walking this weekend, yesterday I walked to the Mill City Market, over the Stone Arch Bridge, and back to North East Side of Minneapolis.  What an incredible mix of nature and urban culture.  There were a pair of blue herons on the Mississippi, and many people just staring in awe of them from the bridge.  There were four women in winged costumes practicing for a performance with music coming forth from what seemed everywhere.  When I spotted the performers and tuned into the music, there was a line of 45 much older folks on the magical minneapolis tour on their segways.  Further along the from the bridge, a photographer and two subjects (maybe for a marketing campaign) looking urban, hip and with a really big attitude.  I walked ove...

Wow, I am in a whirlwind of receipts, reimbursements forms and envelopes.  I feel like a windfall has beset me.  I completed travel reimbursements, both sizable.  I sent in reimbursement for my medical reimbursement account.  I found two checks safely tucked away in a pile that I uncovered last night!  I am already imagining having all the outside window frames scraped and painted.  A the load on my shoulders, the monkey on my back has mysteriously shrunk.  I am trying to really put into my psyche the good feeling of NOT procrastinating, completing a project, just being done.  I have two more trips to request reimbursement.  All of this is just in time to put some extra money into the vacation "kitty" and "house fixing up" pot.  I'm on a roll, and I am going to get this all done.  This is one of the plus column listings:  what to do when it is June and 55 degrees outside - you take care of paperwork!

Today I mailed a report for a volunteer project that was due 3-31-09. It was not a difficult task, but one that I was not exactly sure how to complete. I knew I would have to look into some details. I just keep putting it off, and then it got big, and then there's the guilt/shame thing - and oops I'm off to the races of past nagging voices. So today I decided I was not going to let another day go by. I came home early from work, and sat at the table, laid out all the little pieces of paper, called the person in charge of receiving the reports, clarified some questions. Brought out the calculator, added and subtracted, and put numbers in boxes. Filled out the form, wrote out the late fee check, and went to the post office. I mailed the report and a birthday present to my best friend in Philadelphia. I'm smiling. It is so easy to set down the load on your back, you just have to be able to do it!

One week ago, I packed up and headed out of the park and back home.  The sun was hot, the sky blue, and the drive home was easy and very enjoyable.  Savoring 3 nights in the campground:  the "big spring", the "hole in the rock" trail, and the flowers.  Thousands of purple, lilac, lavender colored flowers.  The hummingbird's beak dipping into the center.  Flowers, flowers and more flowers.  There was a picnic table, where you could see the creek, hear the spring running, and see flowers in every direction.  Back home the flowers faded quickly.  The days are compressed with unallotment,  hiring freezes, news of cancer, or car accidents, and how we are with each other in the face of grief, fear, adversity.  So today as I sit at home processing my third Tony Kushner event,  I am feeling the ambiguity of the day,  I am feeling the chill from a sun that has not heated the day much above 60, and I am remembering how lovely those flowers were.  Flowers that come later i...

The first camping trip of the summer.  Gear is packed.  Weather is due to improve.  Off to a park that I have never been to in South Eastern MN-it is in the driftless land on Minnesota, and the driftless land in South Western Wisconsin is where I had my home as a young woman.  I like the idea and the terrain of these unglaciated areas.  The website for the park talks about Acadian flycather and the Louisiana Waterthrush.   I am going to look them up  tomorrow so I will know if I see one!  So here's to State Parks,   and the beauty of our country.

Yesterday the winds blew, the taps played, and the guns shot off their memorial sounds.  I live close to a very big cemetery.  I walk through it regularly, and drive by when I am doing car errands.  All day yesterday, the bells played their music.  The taps played at 10, noon, and 3.  The guns shot off a salute to fallen soldiers.  Most of the day I was home, working inside as the winds blew.  I watched the "helicopters" from the huge huge maple tree next door spill its seeds.  The patio and walk that Myah had swept clean the day before was filled with new helicopters.  Thousands of helicopters twirling down everywhere.  Seeds twirling in space, while I reflected on memories, those lost, what it means to be a patriot, who had died in a real helicopter, who had driven one, who was the nurse that rushed to help?  All these thoughts, on Memorial Day, as I watched as the my patio was once again covered with helicopters as they silently whirled to the ground.

Today was a gloriously beautiful day.  I was Gramma for a second day in a row.  It's pretty fun when your granddaughter decides that one night with Gramma is NOT enough.  So for the second night in a row we watched a movie about a girl and her horse and had a wonderfully, snuggly time.  Today was the second day of outdoor lawn work.  The flower beds are cleaned up, the patio is ready for relaxing, the plants are all in the ground.  Myah chose her jobs, and she was an amazing helper.  We laughed, took breaks, sang, and about an hour before Mom and Dad came to pick her up, she looked up at me and said, " We are a great team, Gramma!"  Oh how sweet it is.

I have been home for over one week - that is the longest I have been home at one time in almost two months.  Myah (nine year old granddaughter) and I have spent the morning in the dirt.  The front flower bed that was neglected and looking very sad is cleaned up, the perennials are planted.  The tomato and basil plants are in their pots and I am bone tired.  Myah was a great help, and provided the "salt of the earth" reminders about why this is so good to do - the digging in the dirt.  She said after about 30 minutes, gardening makes me feel so relaxed, and we talked about remembering this when we are harried, or crabby, or just out of sorts -- maybe some garden therapy would be a great way to feel better.  All the while we were cutting back dead heads, making the leaf and debris pile larger, trimming and cutting back.  It was perfect.  Now, as I type, Myah is singing in the shower, enjoying her time with Gramma and just plain happy.  "Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift ...

I am in DC for meetings at DHHS on research on mental illness and employment.  Translating research, theory, funding, silos, stovepipes and then just real people is exhausting.  I am always the "state" person vs. the PhD researcher - and feel a need to keep interjecting some kind of perspective that feels real from my day to day perspective.  So after all day of very good discussion, debate and listening - it was off to enjoy one the "beauties" of our US Government - the Smithsonian... I am staying across the street from the Smithsonian American Art Museum, I went to see New Deal for Artists 1934 - seems so appropriate for NOW.   The artwork that was commissioned by WPA is amazing, and the exhibit is great - it is being shown until January 10, 2010.  Here is a quote on the wall above a stunning painting of the building of the golden gate bridge: " The PWAP has been a recognition of the value of culture and arts in American life.  It is a significant example of ...

It is Mother's Day, and this is the 5th Mother's Day that I cannot call my Mom and say Happy Mother's Day.  I now get to imagine her as happy, full, whole, reincarnated as who knows what, on her path of continued oneness with the universe.  Several years ago I was riding in the car going out to see my daughter, son and grandkids and I heard this story about a roller rink closing and memories flooded back.  That night I wrote most of the poem that I titled "Remembering".  Mother's Day seems the best day to share!  Remembering I was driving down the highway,   When I heard about the roller rink closing. It had opened the year that my Mother was born. In that moment   I heard the music,   and hundreds of tiny wheels pushing, gliding, spinning around   the rink. Wobbly knees and uncertain legs,   Mom holding onto my hand then letting go – and I am transfixed, Watching my Mother crossing over her legs to the beat,   head back, smiling as I held onto the s...

The decision to agree to celebrate Vesak as the Buddha’s birthday was formalized at the first Conference of the  World Fellowship of Buddhists  held in  Sri Lanka  in 1950, although festivals at this time in the Buddhist world are a centuries-old tradition. The Resolution that was adopted at the World Conference reads as follows: “ That this Conference of the World Fellowship of Buddhists, while recording its appreciation of the gracious act of His Majesty, the  Maharaja of Nepal  in making the full-moon day of Vesak a  Public Holiday in Nepal , earnestly requests the Heads of Governments of all countries in which large or small number of Buddhists are to be found, to take steps to make the full-moon day in the month of May a Public Holiday in honour of the Buddha, who is universally acclaimed as one of the greatest benefactors of Humanity. ” On Vesak Day, Buddhists all over the world commemorate events of significance to Buddhists of all traditions: The birth, enlightenment and the pa...

This week brought us the annual announcement on the 10 Most Endangered Historic Places in Minnesota, selected by the Preservation Alliance of Minnesota.  I love that these places and things get some oh so late attention, and some of them get saved and preserved by this elevation of awareness.  So the best is Bena's (population 102) Big Fish, it was built in the early 50's is a BIG fish, and it started out as drive-in restaurant, now is a dilapidated storage shed.  It is the biggest Muskie in the state.  Other "winners" are a ballpark in Chaska, an old hotel in Crookston, and an empty jail in Duluth!   The Big Fish of Bena is one of the "7 Wonders of Minnesota, according to Eric Dregni, who wrote "Minnesota Marvels; Roadside Attractions in the Land of Lakes".  Besides the Bena Big Fish, the other "wonders" of Minnesota are:  Kensington rune stone, the Spam Museum, the talking Paul Bunyan statue, the St. Urho statue in Managha, the twin ball in ...

I had big opportunity to step out of the the tremendous feeling of being in the pressure cooker.  It was one of those mornings where many issues,  personal needs, policy decisions, contract discussions.  And I was just ornery!  Mostly people I work with understand and I do verbalize that I am just in a wretched way.  People stepped up, they got things done, made things that were listing dangerously back on track.  I could tell them all what  a great job they had done.  They laughed and talked about how they like that I just let it rip sometimes.  The good news is that I recover balance fairly quickly and I like the balance part much better.  Systems change, being out front, collaboration, lots of art-some science.  Remember to breathe, breathe through your feet, focus on the breath.  Now.  

The Minnesota legislature is rolling along, the house and senate have made numerous agreements, and the conference committee may be meeting as I type.  The budget of the legislature and the budget of the governor do not match up.  In the next 10 days or so, there will be some big big big budget bills on the governor's desk.  He has said he will veto the proposed tax bills, and that is how the other things in part are paid for!  A big budget deficit, a veto proof senate, and a not veto proof house, and very little discussion between branches of government.  What has happened to the values that has made Minnesota one of the most desirable places to live (even in spite of the weather!).  Oh it is has all the ingredients for not wanting to engage in politics.  Welcome back home.

Tired, time zone impaired, and happy to be home.  70 degrees at 10 p.m. not bad for a Minnesota spring day!  Rain tomorrow!  It is following as a criss cross across the country.  Good thing I have good umbrellas, and a sense of humor.  

The rain stopped, brunch was fabulous (I made it!) and we spent part of the afternoon in the vineyard. I heard plans, listened to dreams, watched goats, and geese, and saw little pre-buds on the vines. Newly growing vines are such a great color, and I learned the art of snapping off the suckers at the bottom of the vine, thinning out the tops, all to get a uncrowded line of grapes on the vine. Their vineyard in a very small estate crop, they prune back vines and grapes to intensify the flavors and complexity of the grapes. The result of the attention paid to the soil, to the grapes, to all conditions is not lost even on an "amateur" drinker of wine like me. It has been good to practice deep relaxation. We went to gardens to afternoon, and a tasting, and then supper. So I thinking of sleep, of being home tomorrow, of connecting with my friends and family at home. How fine to have a sweet little weekend vacation. How good to be excited and eager to return home. How s...

Today is a rare spring day in Sonoma Wine Country - the rain has fallen on and off all day. It is never a hard rain, just steady waves of lightly falling showers with periods of slightly seen sunlight and another sweet little wave of very light rain. I slept in this morning after a very long, intense week of working of being with lots of people and a competing number of people and tasks that needed attention. The Carneros hills are glowing at the end of this rainy day, they are such a earthy golden tone. And the green green, way new bursting forth green in all the rows of brand new grape veins are much closer to the house. There are no grape buds yet, just sparkling new leaves foretelling hope of a great harvest. Next to me is an amazing glass of wine. It is my friends wine they have grown the grapes, make the wine: Eric K James. This particular bottle is a 2004 Pinot Noir. It is so good, and they joke about the “end of the line” oh yes the “library” wine, as I am gasping, s...

I spent part of the afternoon wandering along Clement Street - this is the "other" Chinatown in SF...we decided we would walk until we saw a restaurant we wanted to eat at....we were not so far from UC-SF and my colleague knows his chinese food. We couldn't resist the Happy Something Restaurant, I have named it happy hunan dim sum, they serve dim sum all day. The turnip cakes were delicate and delicious, the shrimp dumplings, yum. Way too much food, but I am still smiling. I feel that each time I travel I am just an advertisement for eat, eat, eat. Enjoy, eat well, give thanks.

I wanted to blog about the closing of our conference.  It is good to be inspired, to be acknowledged for our passion and commitment to our work, to be reminded of what is important.  Hope, truth telling, and curiosity.  I appreciate when we are enfolded in the philosophical and world of our own faith in our humanity.  So I smiled big when in closing Reinhold Niebuhr (American theologian who studied Christian faith and the reality of modern politics and diplomacy)  was quoted from one of his most famous books: "Nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime; therefore, we are saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore, we are saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own,; therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness."  R...

I love the lights of SF at night, the hills, the compactness, the row houses, and diverse styles.  It is good.  After an entire day and a half of meetings, it feels like I could be anywhere.  Hotel conference rooms have two temperatures, no matter what time zone:  freezing and getting too hot.  I am suffering greatly as I have no anti-freeze left over from this winter.  I have lots of layers on and I am still cold.  The outside is a fading reality as we all move from one room with out a window, to the next cold windowless room.  Good things there are engaged, insightful, talented presenters.  All doing good work to try to reach the tipping point from poverty to greater interdependence to independence and control for people with disabilities who want to and do work!   It is good to see lots of new faces and reconnect with those of us who have been doing this work for 15+years.   Tomorrow, I move over to across the bay to Oakland, then onto Sonoma County for some down time....meanwhile I...

I am on the west coast, and I continue to be pulled by the difference in our time zones.  It is way early in the morning, when I talk to my friends on the east coast.  My colleagues have gone home from work, when I find a moment to talk to them, and I woke friends up when I called to check in at the end of my day here in CA.  This is another advantage that I feel as a midwesterner, we are in the middle, it is not more than 2 hrs. ever to talk to people in either coast!  I have much that I want to share, but I can't figure out when to do it.  It is days before I find myself back home, to my comfort zone.  Meanwhile, I will struggle with time zones and appreciate all that I am enjoying right here in Northern California.  And it is only a matter of weeks?  Months?  and MN will provide the #60 senate vote to override a filabuster by the republicans!  A good thing no matter what time zone you are in.

Grandeho's Kamekyo Sushi Bar was recommended by concierge when I asked for a casual japanese sushi bar....so I walked four blocks down Beach Street to the end of the Hyde/Powell Street Cable Cars.  Alcatraz was lit up in the dark and the houses were twinkling up on the hills.  Then I found Kamekyo --- the sushi was great, the restaurant was painted melon like colors and lots of fresh wonderful flowers.  Sake was poured until it flowed over and over - wishing them and me very good luck.  SanFrancisco - windy, very cool and totally inviting.

Oh the joy of being with your "best friends" and family on your birthday.  Any birthday is good with family and friends, but watching Myah with four of her friends celebrating her 9th Birthday, just a great thing to witness.  Myah and her friends along with Mom, Gramma, and one of Mom's "best friends" went off to American Girl.  Oh the dolls came along too.  Crafts, games, a princess chair for Myah, presents, and lots of lots of good big laughs and fun.  How remarkable and precious to be able to be the Gramma who gets to come to parties,  read books to my grandkids, and see them as they grow.  Such a gift to be a part of their lives.  I was in the room when Myah was born, and am so grateful that I could be there smiling, laughing, loving with her as she celebrates as she continues to grow into who she is and who she will be.

One of the things that speaks to me deeply in sufi poetry is how it so resonates in my life for today.  I have really tried to keep listening closely to what President Obama says.  How he continues to carry a message that carries the belief in the integrity, worth, value of us all.  He does believe, so as I read the poem below this morning I was struck by how in unison the times of our beloved Persian (that which is now Iran) Sufi Poets carries a message as vital and as provocative as it was in the time they were living.  Words live in one, and the heart continues to be ignited!   NOW IS THE TIME   Now is the time to know That all that you do is sacred.   Now, why not consider A lasting truce with yourself and God.   Now is the time to understand That all of your ideas of right and wrong Were just a child’s training wheels To be laid aside When you can finally live With veracity And love.   Hafiz is a divine envoy Whom the Beloved Has written a holy message upon.   My dear, please tell...

Baltimore had many very good learnings.  Good connections with colleagues, provocative questions and listening, a very quiet hotel room, green grass, flowering  trees, and hard shell crabs.  I learned how to "dress" a crab.  It was wonderful.  I spent several hours with one of my colleagues eating shellfish under the stars on a beautiful night in Baltimore.  It was such a great reminder of the absolute vitality of really sharing food and conversation.  Next stop find a "u-tube" video so I can keep up my newly found skills when I find the next opportunity to have freshly harvested hard shell clams.  Next stop, SanFrancisco - no lack of good connecting with friends and eating simply wonderful food!

This is the start of a month of travels from coast to coast and places in between.  I checked out the buds on my bushes and green shoots coming up in my beds.  I know they will grown and change while I am away.  I want to be able to remember how they were and be able to notice how they have grown.  Kind of like me as I step into new adventures, be with new people, and learn in new ways.  I hope the fine spring days travel with me as I go....Bags packed, dishes done, bed made, sun shining, ready to go!

Minneapolis is the twin of the twin cities,  the city that was not the official site of the RNC, and it is my home.  My first move to live here was preceded by Madison, WI and Chicago, IL - for me it was bigger than Madison that always felt like a very very small and great city (but not a real city) and most definitely NOT Chicago.  It has taken a long period of time for me to truly feel like this city is my home.   It wasn't that I had a large list of complaints (I have some!) it was more about what resonated with me, where were those physical sites, the congregation of people, the community "stuff" that l would not leave me with wanting more.   I  am glad to say that those I am not at home feelings seldom show up any more, and today when I opened the paper I had another good laugh at my home!  The Minneapolis City Council Regulatory Committee had a hearing about keeping BEES in the city!  It was f ront page news !  I can just imagine the cast of speakers: the professors...

 Cassandra, who I have met through colleagues and friends, has a blog - I have a link to it on my own blog.  She has been putting quotes that are on bottles, cups of coffee on her site lately.  The first one, was about commitment and I read and re-read it several times,  wrote it out.  On Monday she had another one:   " The bad news: there is no key to the universe. The good news: it was never locked."  Swami Beyondananda I just smiled so big when I read it, I did again just now as I copied it out.  The bad and the good news.  No key.  The bad and the good news.  Here we are.  Glad this day in the universe started with a big smile, and a very sweet giggle.  Hope you find a giggle on a bottle for yourself today!

Such a week, this past one,  a week full of honoring of ones beliefs.   Passover and Easter both carry such significance.   The continued unfolding and birthing of spring.  There is such a constant testing of my faith; will the sun ever really warm my cheeks,  is there something more that I can do in this stressful time,  how do I find the positive rather than hang onto the negative, the fear, doubts?  As I listened this week to the sermon of a wonderful episcopal priest, I was struck by how she was able to honor the reality of faith in the divine.  She talked of God, I translated to the Divine,  of the reality of  faith and how it allows me to be less sure, to be amazed, humbled.  She reminded me that the message was, "Do you love me?"  not "do you believe?".  Conviction is not faith, she said, it is self righteous indignation!  How comforting to be reminded of the mysteries of my life,  of how when we can let go of being certain, being sure, certitude, it is then ...

Jewish Sun-Blessing Day.  Ancient Jewish tradition (Babylonian Talmud Berakhot 59b) teaches:'Whoever sees the sun at its tekufah (transformative cycle-marker), the moon in its powers, the stars (or planets) in their orbits, and the signs of zodiac in their orderly progress, should say "Baruch oseh ma'aseh v'reshit. Blessed be the Doer of Deeds of "In the Beginning (Creation). 

I wish I could talk about something unrelated to weather, but it just keeps coming up!  I have had a significant change in my weight since my surgery for sleep apnea.  I know don't have sleep apnea so I have lost 20+ pounds and I am 5'4" on a good day.  I am challenged by my rather loosely fitting wardrobe, and jostled with the sales clerk at gap about what size jeans would fit me (she was right!), and I am cold, especially at work.  I work in a new building, you would think it would have a good heat/air staging system, not the case.  There is a lot of cold air blowing around, and I have a number of shawls in my office just in case I cannot get warm any other way.  So here it is the second week of April, and it is in the 20's when I wake up in the morning, and  not even 50 when I come home from work, and I have lost all of my anti-freeze.  Come on sunshine.  I am ready for the warmth on my cheeks and flip flops on my feet!

How fun to wake up and still have a smile on my face.  My guy,  (I think I should insert the background music,  "My guy, my Guy, talking 'bout my guy,  ohh ohh) Kevin won the DFL endorsement on the second ballot yesterday!  There was a motion to endorse unanimously and it passed.  Jose was 1st class as a candidate and as he coped with not winning the endorsement, but making many new friends and pledging to support Kevin in the race.  Doran really rallied his supporters, and he will continue his work with us all in Windom Park.  It was a good day, and it was not until I knew the numbers of the second ballot that I experienced all the feelings for me in volunteering and commiting myself not only to this race, but my community, my neighbors.    I did start the T-Shirt Rug at the convention, lots of knitters did a few stiches or rows, and I am looking forward to giving it to Kevin for his kitchen.  It was fun to have a "green" project to work on and share.  I had a great...

The early morning is the most inviting pinks and purples, and the dawn light is shooting up in streams.  Good way to start this Ward 1 DFL Convention.  Neighbors just keep talking to neighbors, listening, learning, sharing....We are all ready to go wild as Kevin speaks to the entire convention for the first time today.  I visualizing as I watch the sky change that Kevin will be endorsed by the delegates today.  Hoping that 60% of the delegates will make the decision to endorse Kevin.  Meanwhile,  I have my volunteer job that starts in a little more than an hour: I am smiling.  Finding out about what people care about, and asking them to consider endorsing Kevin. Being Helpful.  Tracking numbers.  Showing people my "green" knitting (I am knitting a rug from old T-Shirts!).  The color is all gone from the sky, it doesn't look very spring like out there,  it is cold, and supposed to stay that way -- these are good weather conditions to get people inside on a saturday.  So to...

I believe I am just starting to keep an increase in the symptoms of no blogging --- worry that I have run out of the number of written words I have to share,  increased anxiety that I have lost the ability to just stay present in the moment (is it gone forever), questioning the relevancy of an activity that I have committed to for the past seven months, heightened volume of the internal critic, decreased sense of humor, overall malaise.   You get the picture.  Work has been amazing opportunity in just about everything!  People are working really hard,  good results are occurring and the Governor wants everyone to take 24 days off a year with no pay, and just keep doing all their work (what is wrong with this picture).   That is a whole blog in and of itself --- it is getting harder and harder to understand bailouts when the fabric of so many people's lives just grows thinner and thinner and the worry is when and how will it break!   So that's work --- it is a big plate,  all of...

Oh what a weekend.  House parties for Kevin, we are down to 6 days until the DFL Endorsing Convention.  Lots of conversations with people who are undecided.  It has been great, this political campaign - centered on people, on neighbors, on creating and acknowledging dialogue and engagement.  What fun.  The predictability of the "do it all by the playbook" is not happening, but lots of momentum is.... about the body, the mind, the heart and soul.... off to the Ritz Theater, to see the Kathka Dance Troupe, with classic Hindustani and American Jazz Musician.  Such fusion of movement, the music was incredible.  It was a great 90 minutes, transporting to a place of such openness and appreciation.   What a privilege to participate in democracy, to have art and culture, honoring diversity and tradition and pushing the edges, doing the unexpected.  The sun was high in the sky, the air was cold, but life is cooking here in NE Minneapolis.

I had a great morning with the supervisors that I work with.  We have been doing coaching together, coaching that helps us to better support each other, and to better provide support and structure for all the people we work with.  Today we all took risks,  not only engaged our heads, but allowed ourselves to not only operate from a very cognitive place, but recognize our emotions.  Sounds easy, of course, but in a world of constant change, lots of work to be done, the ability to be real to "exhale" ourselves and help to create a space for all of us to "exhale".  Well, that is  a gift. So as the snow blows, the winds bring really cold air, and there is the complete reminder that winter will not go away with out a little more of a fight.  There is a ray of sunshine and a warmth in a shared commitment and desire to do our work well, and to pay attention to each other.  There is time for this even as the winds blow and the grey clouds stretch across the sky.  

The Anderson House has closed. The Hotel/Inn has been continuously operating since 1856 when it was built along the Mississippi River in Wabasha, MN. It was around 20-25 years (those are big jumps in approximate years!) that I first heard about the hotel. There were many fun and different things about this old hotel. It was not such a long drive from Minneapolis, and lots of the drive winding down the Mississippi River. When you arrive at this bring building looking sturdy you begin to see that which makes it not be like the "chains" across the nation. On our first trip we were drawn by the cats (they have been on national TV). Young Sasha loved cats and she got to have a room with a cat of your choice. There are many choices, check out the website !  It was winter, and I opted for having a HOT BRICK brought to my bed before going to sleep.  We both got a mustard plaster to facilitate clearing the chest, and overall good health.  Each room was different (mostly funky...

This day has been such a treat. Rabbits were dancing in the backyard, hopping up and down, as if they had springs in their legs. The sun was so bright, and as I walked this afternoon there was such warmth on my neck, on the side of my face, my hands were warm without gloves. I still felt the residue of the evening before when women came together to celebrate the equinox, to dance, and be quiet and appreciate ourselves and the awakening from a long cold winter. I kept noticing that my shoulders were not hunched around my ears. It was a day of connecting, being with old precious friends, new friends. Good food, good friends, great weather, time for being, no pressures about doing. A fine first Saturday of this first full day of spring.

I woke up right around the time that spring arrived this morning. The sky and light had a quality that I know well, the reflective light of snow on the ground. As I was taking in the all pervading light, I was also wondering what it would look like outside when the light was brighter and I looked out on my backyard. There is was a thin cover of freshly fallen snow, not covering it all, but most of the yard, the sidewalks, the alley. The dance continues, the cold will come, snow will give way to rain, the sun will shine brightly again, but not today. We are slowly moving into spring, I am feeling the grogginess of winter slumber, the itchiness of desiring something else, the wish of warmth and breezes that wrap me in comfort. I am yearning for a "no weather" weather day, that time when you, your skin, feel just the same as the temperature, the wind, the light of the day. For today, I get another opportunity to notice the in between, first day of spring, last day of...

Tonight I participated in my city ward screening event for Take Action MN - a progressive organization with great values and principles. I went to endorse my favorite candidate. He is a good man, strong values, hardworking, progressive through and through --- he is not a great campaigner - good but not great. It came down in the end to two candidates- both good. It is a good thing when the problem is more than one good choice. Next step, the ward convention April 4th...we keep moving toward Instant Runoff Voting in the Fall Election. Yeah for Democracy - yeah for progressive politics.

I got a great gift yesterday! I spent the day holding the memories and enjoying that it was my daughter's 35th Birthday - she is in New Zealand, so had already celebrated the day before, you know the date line thing! I got to take a walk in the morning - and it was a delight, by afternoon it was 66 degrees F. It is amazing to watch the contrast, so folks are still bundled up, just like in January - it is scary to imagine what will happen when you begin to peel back all the clothes! Then some are walking around almost bikini like, that is equally scary! Whatever the wardrobe, big kuddos for a great day, a great Mom's day, a rare moment when you can let the shoulders down, breathe deeply, and feel the warmth!